Oh, how the mighty have fallen! When a new Harry Potter movie came out, it was sold-out, top of the box office for weeks, but this was the second weekend for Fantastic Beasts: The Secrets of Dumbledore, and I was just in a theatre with only three others in the audience! (You probably don’t even care about this movie review already.)

Despite knowing that it was not going to be great (and after the hot mess that was the second film, Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald), I was still a little excited to watch this latest return to the Wizarding World. So far, each of the Fantastic Beasts movies has started out with magizoologist Newt Scamander and his adventures romping with the fantastic beasts (that he puts into a game preserve within his magical suitcase), but each movie also pivots to a larger backstory tying into the conflict between Albus Dumbledore and Gellert Grindelwald (who wants to start a war between the magical and muggle worlds). Each time, (though it was least contrived in the first film) the animal adventures seem to be little more than an excuse to play with CGI and cram some fun scenes into an otherwise completely-separate, politically-oriented story. This time, Newt starts out at the birth of a magical deer-like creature which seems kind of sweet but then turns out to have some major political ramifications in the wizarding world, as Grindelwald’s minions (Do they have a brand name like the Death Eaters?) attack and steal the newborn. The rest of the movie becomes a bit of a cold war between the two sides leading up to the election of a new leader of the International Confederation of Wizards (i.e. the magical U.N.), which naturally Grindewald is going to make a play for.

I can’t quite say what the problem with this movie was, but it wasn’t very exciting. There was very little adventure and too many character scenes where people discussed some element of backstory or something that seemed secondary to what was going on. Not only did the plot seemed somewhat thin and stretched-out, this is supposed to be the third of five movies, so we’ve also reached the slow middle of a full story arc. Even though the title over all these movies is “Fantastic Beasts”, these are really the ongoing saga of the Dumbledores vs. Grindelwald’s gang. All the parts with Newt, the creatures, and even some of the other characters that have been introduced along the way, seem to be extraneous. Among those, I liked Jessica Williams as Professor Lally Hicks — who apparently was also in the second film, which I have forgotten most of. She’s the spunky, capable female character (there always seems to be one; we’ll call her the “Hermione”) of this film. Thankfully she’s there to keep the bungling men on track with their plans (which are simple yet confusing) around the election. Richard Coyle — who I’ve enjoyed as a comedic actor, especially in the sitcom Coupling — has had a strange career turn to be cast as Dumbledore’s grim brother, Aberforth. Between his grumpy presence, and the poorly-wrapping-up of the Credence Barebone plot thread (where he is Aberforth’s surprise illegitimate son), the Dumbledore family backdrop seems incredibly sloppy and emotionally incomplete. Good thing they still have headline-bait Ezra Miller as Credence, because who else would be so comfortable with such instability/inscrutability? Speaking of headlines, Mads Mikkelson has had to take over as Grindelwald, replacing the scandalous Mr. Johnny Depp. I think Mikkelson is a good actor, who’s not really taxing his skills too much in this role, but I like him for a better fit than Depp.

One other memorable scene of the film (though maybe more ridiculous than legit memorable) is where we finally get back to the fantastic beasts. When Newt’s auror brother Theseus is captured, he’s imprisoned without any due process (Boo, magical Germany!). (Sidenote: I’m no J.K. Rowling, but I think they need to give their law enforcement some anti-stun-spell body armour in the wizarding world, because it’s just too easy for anyone with a wand to incapacitate anyone they want!) Thankfully, Newt arrives with his creatures (and creature-knowledge) in-tow to save his brother from a bunch of prancing little scorpions (and one huge one!). No joke.

Though the Wizarding World franchise is clearly in decline, at least the visual effects and production design still look pretty good. I wish that they had put more amazing creatures on screen this time around (we don’t even really see much of the big scorpion). One last nitpicky complaint has to do with representation. I (as an Asian fan) was pretty disappointed that there was time for Dumbledore to give his crew a little lesson (complete with magical holograms) to explain how mystical the Asian country of Bhutan is; how it’s the source of much of the magic in the world; and why that’s where they would hold the final ceremony of the ICW election. However, after all that, the film still had no Asian speaking parts (I don’t recall if the second candidate in the election, who was Asian, did actually speak, but it would have been a line or two at best). There weren’t even many Asian extras when the movie arrived in Bhutan. Come on! Give me a local cultural liaison or the head of the Bhutanese auror department to work with Team Dumbledore! What a missed opportunity!

Sadly, this movie was a bit too mediocre to warrant much outrage. It was a serviceable middle instalment. I just hope they can pull up the thestral and bring some magical vigour back to this franchise — assuming that they get the chance to finish it. (3 out of 5)